TAB AMA TAB AMA: Cheese - I make everything better

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself, Dog, Pet Rock...' started by Cheese, May 26, 2015.

  1. Cheese

    Cheese




    Messages:
    697
    Achievement Pts:
    443
    Ratings:
    +287
    Everyone knows, if you're not covered in me... you're bad.

    [​IMG]
    Now, THAT'S better

    So a little more about what makes me so good.
    I was made in Kentucky, threshed and separated in the Marines
    Seasoned and flavored at Michigan State University
    and left to properly age in Asia

    I've done a lot of crazy things in life and its reflected in my personality.
    Flew a plane, learned a language, been married & divorced, won money, lost money, played a few games, did some radio stuff, tried my hand at engineering, raised chickens on a roof in China, garden for fun, and will cook and eat nearly anything on the planet (nearly).
    Now I want to be a farmer, that other stuff is too boring, I need some excitement in my life.

    So what do you want to hear about next?

    *FYI I'm on the road every week from now on, so I might be a little behind on questions. However I'll get them answered~
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Milleuda

    Milleuda Mother Hen




    Messages:
    1,723
    Achievement Pts:
    810
    Ratings:
    +632

    Mmm... I could do SOOOOO many things with that statement. Gonna leave it alone (for now).

    So tell us, how did you end up in Japan? I know the story but I'm sure there are others out there that don't!
     
  3. Euchale

    Euchale Crazy German Guy




    Messages:
    2,679
    Achievement Pts:
    854
    Ratings:
    +729
    How many failed relationsships have you've been in? Please also include the relationships with chickens

    Whats your favorite Japanese Gameshow (links please)?

    Why did you ask everybody insanity questionsin the official thread, except me?

    On a scale of 1 to 10, how awesome do you think you are?
     
  4. Cheese

    Cheese




    Messages:
    697
    Achievement Pts:
    443
    Ratings:
    +287

    You mean my statement could be interpreted in another way? Why what do you mean?

    My first time to Japan was because of a scholarship to study business over there. Fantastic program, but they forgot to get us a translator... so I got good at Japanese really fast. Next time they brought me back as the translator for the group. Was luck combines with just enough skill to get the job done.

    This past time I saw an opportunity to work for the school board and jumped on it.
    Worked out very well, but then new opportunities came.
     
  5. Cheese

    Cheese




    Messages:
    697
    Achievement Pts:
    443
    Ratings:
    +287

    Gameshow? Not exactly, but kind of an info - quiz show.


    I started asking everyone, but got no response so gave up after a couple times. Only revived it with Topic after skipping many people.

    I'm a -5 on the Awesome scale because it fails to register my levels.
     
  6. Milleuda

    Milleuda Mother Hen




    Messages:
    1,723
    Achievement Pts:
    810
    Ratings:
    +632

    Why do you put yourself down a lot?

    I think most of it is in jest, but you are a wonderful person <3 Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Euchale

    Euchale Crazy German Guy




    Messages:
    2,679
    Achievement Pts:
    854
    Ratings:
    +729
    What´s your favorite cheese?
     
  8. Baldoraxx

    Baldoraxx Internalizing Master Of Casual




    Messages:
    2,875
    Achievement Pts:
    821
    Ratings:
    +403
    so...why cheese?
     
  9. Euchale

    Euchale Crazy German Guy




    Messages:
    2,679
    Achievement Pts:
    854
    Ratings:
    +729

    It´s called a overflow. When you try to display a number that is larger than your bit count, for example when you try to add 1 to 1111 there is no space to go. Usually the first bit in a number tells whether the number is positive or negative, so a -5 means that he is way too awesome.
     
    • /Cheers /Cheers x 1
  10. tr1age

    tr1age [Community Leader] Butterflies!




    Messages:
    10,163
    Achievement Pts:
    1,264
    Ratings:
    +3,245
    Why do I constantly confuse you for Topic?
     
  11. Keleynal

    Keleynal Jesus Freak




    Messages:
    3,191
    Achievement Pts:
    803
    Ratings:
    +998
    What was your job in the Marines and where were you stationed?
     
  12. dainjre

    dainjre Generously Compensated Establishment Provocateur




    Messages:
    3,683
    Achievement Pts:
    960
    Ratings:
    +1,040
    When you eat cheese do you count that as cannibalism?
     
  13. Keleynal

    Keleynal Jesus Freak




    Messages:
    3,191
    Achievement Pts:
    803
    Ratings:
    +998
    Or maybe cunnilingus?
     
  14. Cheese

    Cheese




    Messages:
    697
    Achievement Pts:
    443
    Ratings:
    +287
    That's a hard question, kind of like asking who's your favorite composer.
    Even if you were to say Beehtoven, there are so many composers and players picking one might be impossible.
    Plus a well done piece by someone else can easily outshine a poorly done classic.

    So....
    Chambertin -for uniqueness, Queso Fresco -for adaptability, Provolone -Availability & Sandwiches, Blue Stilton -Punch
    But the one that is the champion is Mozzarella, even if done horribly its still good on a pizza.


    I've named my characters for food in foreign languages since the days of the dial up modem.
    People caught on and began to copy, but there was one category I liked and most people had little knowledge, cheese.
    So I started with Fromage, then Chambertin, Camembert, and Montrachet.
    Some great cheeses and they were always unused until recently. I'd change to another naming archetype, but Cheese just matches so well.


    I think we have very similar outlooks and attitudes, but just like looking in a mirror it reverses some minor details and by using them you can tell us apart.


    There are so many kinds of cheese that I wouldn't call it cannibalism, but I do think of cunnilingus when I eat so many foods.
    Think of it like goat cheese eating cow cheese, or as a squirrel eating a bunny.
     
  15. Passage

    Passage Polychromatic




    Messages:
    1,098
    Achievement Pts:
    729
    Ratings:
    +281
    Insanity question time (though they pale in comparison)!

    If you were a horse, who could ride you?
    Monkey brains or tiger balls, which one is saltier?

    And not insanity:

    What's your favorite memory?
     
  16. Euchale

    Euchale Crazy German Guy




    Messages:
    2,679
    Achievement Pts:
    854
    Ratings:
    +729
    Soo cheesy...

    Insanity questions follow up:
    There are 3 coconuts in a room. One of them flies against a light bulb. How many coconuts do you still see?
    You are stranded on a island with the guy from can-fap.net and all he is talking about is his foreskin. Would you cut it off?
    You have 3 wishes, but you can only wish for things that bring misfortune to other people. What would you wish for?
     
  17. Passage

    Passage Polychromatic




    Messages:
    1,098
    Achievement Pts:
    729
    Ratings:
    +281
  18. Keleynal

    Keleynal Jesus Freak




    Messages:
    3,191
    Achievement Pts:
    803
    Ratings:
    +998
    Why do the people with the smallest minds have the biggest mouths?
     
  19. dainjre

    dainjre Generously Compensated Establishment Provocateur




    Messages:
    3,683
    Achievement Pts:
    960
    Ratings:
    +1,040
    What's your best bowling score?
     
  20. Cheese

    Cheese




    Messages:
    697
    Achievement Pts:
    443
    Ratings:
    +287
    This is what I was hoping for when I started the questions. People to copy and ask some silly but very telling questinos with the "Insanity Question" spiel.

    Answers:
    Anyone. I'm a horse, my stupid human gets to decide.
    I could be stuck in a kiddie horse-ride farm in Korea and live in a chicken box (porpotionally) with discugisting brats goobering all over me and poking every hole in my body.
    As thus I'd likely be put down after maiming a few and killing one by running as fast as I can through the overpass which are usually 1.9 meters high. (at 6'3" I could feel my hair brushing the roof and I'm bald...)
    I would hope to be a horse in the racing racket with the name "Lasty" so as soon as I win a few I can tank a few races just to hear the humans sigh.

    Tiger balls, the brain is mainly collagen and doesn't require much salt. Semen, well if you've tried it....

    A favorite memory, VERY difficult to choose. Lets stick to one where the statute of limitations has long expired:
    In high school I was one of the tweeners, as in I didn't have a clique or group to hang out with. Was never interested in one or the other but could blend in or stick way out depending on the group.
    The preppy kids had treated me like shit since grade school (I was the new kid in 5th grade so, cursed) and although real life was crashing hard on their power they clung to it with all of the daddy money they could muster.

    One day a preppy girl was bitching at me because I refused to help with prom and she "knew" me and had invited me to things... Yeah like parties where everyone teased me bitch... FUCK YOU!
    Ok, now its lesson time Bitch.


    In school I was able to use my powers to hang out with the stoner kids and deviants without being associated with them by the staff, I had learned a few things. I was also a good metal-smith / welder / machinist and had crafted a number of tools and mechanical parts in the school machine shop. (if I ever forgot my books I just popped a lock to get them)
    So, one day at lunch after those ignorant, arrogant preppies had finished with 99% of the decorations in the gym and were giving their usual "We're so great, you're so bad "speech I casually mentioned to my stoner / deviant buddies who heard the preppy rant that I could unlock the gym doors and maybe we should write our own message in return.
    I told them where and when to be, they were ALL ABOUT IT.

    They were in fact so much more about it than I could ever imagine.
    I opened the doors and a few of them came in with me, to write "Fuck off" or some other comment on the banners and nick a couple decorations. Well, one of them had some clout with other anti preppy groups and when he said "They're really open!" it was like a bugle call to the Calvary. Pissed off kids poured through the doors and began to completely wreck the place, COMPLETELY. All decorations were torn down and prom crowns, robes, everything was stolen.

    I hid some of the potentially useful decorations in some of the unassigned lockers I knew the combination to and sat back a happy man, not knowing how far the chaos had progressed after I pilfered my spoils. All I saw was a banner and couple other paper things being torn down. The total annihilation plan wasn't mine. I wanted to fuck up their day, not ruin everything. A shitty prom gives a nice shitty and lasting impression rather than the aww poor me level of a destroyed one.

    It was such a huge incident that the police were called kids were arrested and all hell broke loose. Obviously word got out I had picked the locks on the door to the gym and the whole thing was suddenly "My Idea." The principal and police were all over my ass and I was on the chopping block for expulsion.

    Luckily I had been a secret deviant and not only had my perfect scholastic disciplinary record,
    (any time I got caught I used a fake name and went to one of the lockers I knew to get a set of books with that fake name written in plus a forged schedule)
    I had also helped a few teachers with projects, influential teachers, so there were people on my side. I had also learned the art of plea-bargaining as I was such a crafty child. I admitted to being there and finding an unlocked door when other kids were trying to get in. In order to look cool I took the credit for opening the door because we wanted to take all the balloons and give them a shitty prom for teasing us all those years. Admitting to everything I did, explaining I was out of the gym early and the people who called others in did the real damage. When me & my friends had left a banner was on the ground and all we had were bags of balloons for a water fight.

    My story was confirmed by many of the people who were there because that's what really happened except for my innocent opening of the door, and only one guy watched me do it and I knew I could trust him. He had Chunk from Goonies eyes and I was the only guy who treated him normal. We were good friends when everyone was afraid or hated him. (Poor guy as he was really damn cool to hang out with. Hope he's doing well these days?)
    Now the police have to let me off because none of the stolen items were removed from campus and no one could fault me for opening an unlocked door. Yay technicalities!

    The principal was still breathing bloody murder, maybe I jogged his memory about all those times I had given him a fake name.

    He called the house threatening to expel me often and drove my mom crazy (sorry mom...) and did his damnedest to have me thrown out of school.
    I asked my faculty allies if an in school suspension would work if I could prove my version of the story and pay for any missing balloons. They agreed.
    With all the teachers and principal in tow, I opened up three lockers stuffed with balloons and gave them back to the school with a written apology and a summary of what this event had taught me. They were so proud of my honesty and ability to hold up and take the blame instead of ratting out or passing the blame to others they didn't even give me an in school suspension. Although I did have to pay for about $12 of missing balloons... Damn, they got me.

    The prom went, but because of the police investigation and all kinds of time, it was shitty as hell -brucethumbsup-

    Oh, and a piece of pride, they never got the prom scepter back. Fuck you Preppies!-brucebegone-

    Ahh, memories. :D

    To give you an idea of how stupid and deviant I was, this wasn't the last.
    Later I mummified a teachers car with duct tape and had to go buy 12 rolls to replace the school property I used to do it.
    That was all, no punishment that time either.

    Long, but worth the read I hope.



    Two coconuts and one very surprised brown alien who almost broke the light bulb when I tried to have sex with its nocturnal coconut form.
    No idea who that is, but YES. I would cut it off and cook it with chives, bacon fat, lemon and a dash of salt. Like a little high class pork rind.
    1. I would wait until my most hated enemy died and have them reincarnated exactly as they looked when they were younger, with nothing and no one they know remembers them.
    2. Population relief. Misfortune now = Fortune later. Just ask the Renaissance
    3. Holding this for something special, can't ever blow all your wishes. I'd do some heavy deviant thinking and wish in a way that my misfortune benefited me greatly.


    --Will update after I take it--


    The body compensates for a lack of something with a sudden advancement in something else.
    Unfortunately that mystic compensation has only the person who gets it to guide it.
    Similar to blind people or those who lose both arms and can do amazing things with their feet, or how my baldness has created such an epic beard that if I don't trim it I make people cry in the street.

    I think it was in the 280's I'm not great but if I do it for a while I get these streaks of "-5" that are killer.
    *That was also when I was in middle school and there wasn't much else to do but walk to the skating rink or bowling alley.
     
    • Awesome Awesome x 2
Loading...

Share This Page